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Lessons in Manliness From Hardboiled Detective Philip Marlowe

Podcast #420: What Makes Your Phone So Addictive How to Take Back Your Life

Podcast #419: American Honor — Creating the Nation's Ideals During the Revolution

Podcast #418: How to Get Unstuck

My Favorite AOM Podcast Interviews This Year (So Far)

A Manly Guest Contributor | August 8, 2013

Last updated: July 5, 2018

Last year, AoM published a thorough guide on How to Network Effectively , written by Antonio. As he always does, Antonio crafted the definitive resource for how to prepare for and execute a night of networking and socializing.

But even if you already love networking and have enough personal style, charisma, and wit to put Ryan Gosling to shame, you might struggle with what comes next: the follow-up. What happens you attend a networking or social mixer can make the difference between a productive evening and a complete waste of time.

Many men have trouble following through on and nurturing relationships established at these types of networking events. It’s not easy to approach people who you might have spoken with for only a few minutes before exchanging business cards and moving on. Even though it might be convenient to blame the networker, the problem is usually not with the person. The problem is the system, or lack thereof.

The Importance of Having a Follow-Up System

Although most people understand the important role networking and socializing can play in a career or a business, very few people put in place a methodic system for following up with the people they meet during an evening of networking and socializing. In fact, many just drop the ball entirely and never follow up at all.

Michael Port, a bestselling author and business coach, says having a strategy for keeping in touch with contacts you meet “may be the most important marketing strategy you’ll ever use.” In discount big discount original Diane von Furstenberg Opal Leather Wedges buy cheap wiki Hl0Rw7LGf
, Port suggests taking the time to create a system for keeping in touch. “If you don’t have a systematized and automated Keep in Touch Strategy in place, you may, as the old saying goes, leave a lot of business on the table.”

Those who hate networking the most are usually the worst at following up. If you get sweaty palms just thinking about entering a room full of people you don’t know, I’ll bet you are the type who neglects the follow through entirely. That’s actually the worst thing you can do. Not following up just means you’ll have to haul yourself back out on the cocktail circuit again and again and again.

The solution is also not . Spending more time networking without a follow-up system in place is like bailing water from a leaking ship — it will keep you afloat in the short term, but eventually your ship will sink. A better choice is to implement a better system.

Your business or career may even depend on it. Port argues that many businesses have failed simply because they didn’t have a strategy for checking in and keeping in touch with contacts and clients.

When Keith Ferrazzi was growing up, he caddied at a local country club in the wealthy town next door to his own. During those long outings, he had ample time to observe how successful and wealthy members of the country club treated one another. “They found one another jobs, they invested time and money in one another’s ideas, and they made sure their kids got help getting into the best schools, got the right internships and ultimately got the best jobs,” says Ferrazzi. In other words, Ferrazzi saw that the very successful were invested in a spirit of service to one another.

In Ferrazzi writes that the country club provided him “with a simple but profound lesson about the power of generosity. When you help others, they often help you.”

If you struggle with following up, the best approach is to think of your follow-ups with a spirit of generosity. Your goal is not to follow up with people you met because you want to get something from them; you are following up so you can help them, just like the successful members of the country club helped one another.

In the rest of this article, I’ll lay out a system for following up and maintaining contact with people you meet at networking and social events. I have broken down the system into three phases:

Let’s assume you just attended a social or networking event, and you met a number of men and women. You can see some potential business or career value to keeping in touch with the people you met. In other words, it wasn’t a Burning Man meetup and you didn’t just get back from Comic-Con, but you actually see business value to further developing these relationships.

Here’s what you should do immediately:

Immediately after an event, I will jot down a few quick notes about the people I met. Usually I will write these notes directly on the back of the business cards I collected. It’s important to do this that evening or the next morning while the conversations are still fresh in your mind.

I like writing down any personal details I learned about the person, such as his spouse’s name and his childrens’ names and ages if he has any, and any likes or dislikes or hobbies, such as favorite foods. You never know when this information may come in handy in the future.

The second step is to send memorable follow-up emails. For this first email, you want to demonstrate that you are thoughtful, reliable, and consistent. Just as you will have put in effort to make a good impression at the event itself, you should also make a good impression in your first email. That means you should make sure there are no typos or spelling errors, run-on sentences, clumsy hit-ons, or off-color jokes.

Even though email can be a more casual form of communication, that does not mean it is acceptable for your email to sound like it came from a tween sending texts from the mall food court.

Here’s what your first email should look like:

A better approach is to follow up on a topic you discussed when you met. Here is a better first email:

You can see how much more memorable that email is. Here’s why this follow-up works:

This second email would take just a little more time than the first, and yet it demonstrates how useful Joe would be as a member of Mike’s extended network. Joe wants Mike to think, “

3. Send a Handwritten Note

If you really want to make a great impression, send a handwritten note on nice stationery . I received a handwritten note as a thank you from someone I had met recently and I can say it made a big impression on me. I would still send an email anyways, however, so that you demonstrate immediate follow-through, and so it’s easy to connect via email again in the future.

The next step is to connect with the person on LinkedIn. Once I am connected with someone on LinkedIn, I know I am less likely to lose touch with them and they will be reminded of me every time I post something to LinkedIn. It’s a great tool for remaining “top of mind” with people in your extended network.

I have a simple, free browser extension called Rapportive installed in my browser so when I start to compose an email in my Gmail account to a person, I see a snapshot of that person’s social media profiles on the right side of my “compose” window.

This great tool allows me to learn a little more about the person, and I can quickly connect on LinkedIn or other social media services in one click.

After the initial follow-up, it’s very easy to lose contact. So the next step is to create a practice of following up on a regular interval, i.e. every 30 days or every 90 days, or even every six months. You can decide whatever interval is comfortable, but be sure to stick to it. The point is to make sure you don’t let so much time go by that the relationship goes cold.

The next step is to you follow up with that person. This is one of the hardest parts of the follow-up process to manage.

You can go cheap on this strategy by trying to remember to follow up, although chances are contacts will fall through the cracks. Another option is to add reminders in your calendar, but that can be very labor intensive.

I recently started experimenting with an online service that allows me to categorize people based on how frequently I want to follow up with them, i.e. every 30 days, every 60 days, every 6 months, etc. While it isn’t totally necessary to use such a service, you may find as I have that the benefit outweighs the cost. There are plenty of other customer relationship management (CRM) services that you can use.

The most important thing, whether you use a paid service or not, is to make sure relationships don’t go stale. Make sure 6 or 12 months don’t go by without you checking in with people who are important to your business or career. They will forget about you.

One of the hardest parts about following up with people who you still don’t know all that well is finding excuses for contacting that person without sounding like you are a used car salesman.

A few weeks ago, I got a voicemail completely out of the blue from a business broker I had met a year earlier. In his voicemail, he actually said he was calling to see if I had “any business for him” in the form of clients of mine who might want to sell their business. I felt used, like he had no interest in me at all, only in what I could provide for him. There are a number of excuses he could have used for calling out of the blue, but calling to ask if had any business was not a good approach. Needless to say, I didn’t return the call.

Here are a few ways you can follow up without sounding like you’re only in it for you:

One of the easiest and most effective excuses for contacting a person is because you want to share an article, blog post, or book that you think might be valuable to that person. This piece of content could relate to their business or profession, or it could easily relate to a passion, hobby, or family member.

For example, if I know a person’s daughter is about to start a new job after graduating from college, I might send that person outlet low price fee shipping Golden Goose Womens G33ws590h12 sneakernews cheap price outlet best place jEC3wzlrH
. Oftentimes, demonstrating your thoughtfulness as to that person’s beloved family members is a way of forming a stronger personal bond with them.

Another strategy I love to use, especially with people I just met, is to introduce the new person to someone else I know. People love relevant introductions, especially when the introduction can help them in their business or career. What’s more, if the two people really hit it off, they will always remember you were the person who introduced them.

Here’s an example:

Free or comped events are a great excuse for getting back in touch later. For example, I got an email recently from a woman I know, inviting me to a small panel discussion she thought would be of interest. She was a board member for the sponsoring organization, so she offered me a complimentary ticket.

The key here is the event has to be (A) free or paid for, and (B) relevant or useful to the person you just met. If you try to get the person you just met to to some event you are promoting, you will probably only annoy that person.

Another great way to make an impression is by mentioning the person you met, or their company, in a blog post or a YouTube video. For example, Antonio included a photograph of him and Tom Julian, one of his favorite men’s style authors, in his How to Network Effectively post. This is a perfect example of how to create an excuse for further contact. As an author, I’m sure Mr. Julian was grateful to Antonio for mentioning him on such a wildly popular and high-traffic blog.

The final step is to deepen your relationships over the long-term. Your goal should be to move the people you meet up the ladder to deeper and more meaningful relationships.

Before you start deepening relationships, you should first ask yourself some tough questions about with whom you want to further relationships.

Even though you should approach networking with a philosophy of helping others first, you still want those who you help to be in a position to one day repay the favor.

I recommend writing out an actual list of 50+ people who you most want to get to know better over the next 12 months. Having to sit down and create this list may even help create greater clarity as to your business and career goals. The list may include everyone from celebrities to CEOs to colleagues and current or past clients or customers. Every once in a while, you should revisit this list and decide if there are any people who should be added or removed.

Once you’ve determined who you want to deepen relationships with, you should start reaching out to meet for lunch, coffee, or a drink. This is a great way to get to know the person better than you probably did in your initial meeting.

There are an infinite number of different types of in-person events you could engage in — lunches, coffees, drinks, dinners, sporting events — but you should choose carefully. If you don’t naturally like networking, then be sure you don’t put yourself in a situation that will make it more uncomfortable. If you’re not athletic, don’t get roped into a golf game. If you hate drinking, don’t meet someone for a happy hour at a bar. If you are great at one-on-one meetings, then perhaps a quiet lunch at an out-of-the-way cafe would be best. Play to your strengths.

Which industry you are in is also going to make a difference as to what events are appropriate. Here are a few ideas:

For bonus points, bring a small gift to give to your recipient when you meet. A gift, however small, can make a huge impression. When Michael Fishman, a marketing advisor and consultant, set up an initial lunch meeting with Ramit Sethi, the popular blogger and bestselling author of , he brought along an obscure, out-of-print book as a gift. by Eugene Schwartz sells for around $100 on eBay – Gigi x Tommy Hilfiger RoundToe HighTop Sneakers clearance get to buy cheap sale genuine best sale limited edition cheap 100% authentic hPWI2

Sethi was so impressed by the gesture that when Fishman later asked Sethi to speak at a conference Fishman was organizing, Sethi agreed to waive his standard $20,000 fee.

When you offset the price of the book, that one small gift saved Fishman $19,900. Not too bad for a used book.

After you’ve met, send a follow-up email or note thanking the person for meeting with you, no matter who you met. Whether the person is CEO of a Fortune 500 company or unemployed, they gave up their time to meet with you, and thanking them aligns with the spirit of service we are seeking to achieve.

The final thought I want to leave you with is to constantly think about how you can improve your follow-up system. Your system should be fluid, just like relationships are fluid. Most of all, proceed with a positive attitude and spirit of helping others, and you should have no trouble developing deeper and more meaningful relationships.


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Today I had occasion to consider use of the phrase in particular in contracts. Here are some examples, taken from the SEC’s EDGAR system:

The Company has taken all reasonable steps to maintain the confidentiality of or otherwise protect and enforce its rights in its confidential information, in particular the trade secrets owned by the Company.

in particular

Each FREGAT Owner represents that it is represented by their own counsel in this transaction and that such counsel has carefully reviewed with it the terms and legal consequences of the Exchange and, in particular , the Tax consequences of the Exchange to such FREGAT Owner.

The Employment Agreement, in particular Section 4.9 thereof, contains express provisions regarding Section 280G and/or 4999 of the Code of the type described in Section 14(f) of the Plan.

Lender shall use ordinary reasonable care in the physical preservation and custody of the Collateral in Lender’s possession, but shall have no other obligation to protect the Collateral or its value. In particular , but without limitation, Lender shall have no responsibility for (A) any depreciation in value of the Collateral or for the collection or protection of any Income and Proceeds from the Collateral, (B) preservation of rights against parties to the Collateral or against third persons, (C) ascertaining any maturities, calls, conversions, exchanges, offers, tenders, or similar matters relating to any of the Collateral, or (D) informing Grantor about any of the above, whether or not Lender has or is deemed to have knowledge of such matters.

In particular

The Included Entities shall bear all costs and expenses incurred in connection with effecting transactions involving Investment Account Assets. In particular , the Company and the Included Entities shall pay or reimburse the Investment Manager for … .

I don’t use in particular . It serves to flag something that the drafter wishes to highlight. But attributing special significance to one provision necessarily entails downplaying the significance of others. It’s preferable instead to let the provisions speak for themselves.

In particular conveys essentially the same meaning as including when the latter is used in a not-entirely-disciplined manner. (Hence use in one of the above examples of in particular, but without limitation —a real stinker, methinks.) I recommend that you use including only to bring within the scope of the class in question something that’s lurking on the gray edges. (For more on including , see this April 2007 blog post .) That isn’t a meaning conveyed by in particular .


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